Over the past 30 years, the general public's understanding of psychotherapy has declined. This is because of the growing influence of health insurance companies and pharmaceutical companies, which prefer that people take psychiatric medications rather than going to psychotherapy. It's not uncommon for me to hear patients use the verbiage of pharmaceutical companies without realizing they are doing so. This societal change has caused problems for me and other therapists.
Here is a brief summary of some aspects of being in psychotherapy and how therapy works, that used to be common knowledge but are now mostly unknown among persons under 45:
1. You do not have to use normal social rituals with your therapist. You do not have to shake your therapist's hand, ask them "how are you?" or inquire whether they had a good time on their vacation. It's the one type of relationship that's about you and not the other person, and this is part of why and how psychotherapy cures.
2 Your therapist wants to hear everything. I discussed this in a previous post. Your history of sexual abuse, your porn habit, your poor money management and bad credit--people go to therapy to talk about the things they can't talk about elsewhere--that's one of the reasons why therapists exist. If you tell lies to your therapist or avoid mentioning important information, your therapy will not be effective.
3. If your therapist confronts you on something you did or are doing in therapy, such as repeatedly showing up late, or behavior in the session, such as sexual provocativeness, the purpose is for the both of you to explore what the behavior means. You do not have to say "I'm sorry." Instead, you should ponder the meaning of your behavior and work with the therapist to understand it. Things that other people say that are meant as criticisms are meant by your therapist to prompt self-exploration. (On the other hand, if the dysfunctional behavior continues, the therapist has a right to stop working with you).
4. The reason for #3 above is that an important part of what's called "insight-oriented therapy" (also known as psychodynamic therapy or psychoanalytically-oriented therapy) is a discussion of the dynamic between the therapist and the patient. In longer-term therapy, particularly therapy that lasts more than two years, patients often undergo a regression and start re-enacting childhood behaviors with the therapist. This is a phenomenon known as "transference." In some cases it is very important for the therapist and patient to discuss the interaction between them and what it means, as behavior in the session may reflect long-standing behavioral patterns or relationships in early childhood.
Psychotherapy is about more than learning "coping strategies." A patient could research coping strategies on the internet. Ultimately psychotherapy is about personal growth through a specific type of dyadic relationship. Psychotherapy harnesses the human tendency to grow and develop through interaction with another person. When psychotherapy is effective it is a permanent cure--perhaps not a 100 percent cure, but a cure that does not go away when the therapy ends--unlike medication.